Tuesday, November 20, 2018

The other kind of classics - 7 - Tiranga

The other kind of classics proudly and patriotically presents - "Tiranga"!

If you are a patriot, you have to love this movie! Else go to...

A competition in obnoxiousness between the great Nana Patekar and the greater Raj Kumar!
Since Raj Kumar is senior, Nana decided to play second fiddle here and be a little less obnoxious (respect, you see).
The film is replete with "main kitna mahaan actor hoon" scenes by both of them. Very enjoyable.

Oh yes, the story. Not much to tell.
3 nuclear scientists are kidnapped by Pralayanath Gendaswami - no shame in body shaming here! The plan is to make his own missiles and destroy India.
Gendaswami is actually Marathi Manoos Deepak Shirke! What a performance, sir!
Brigadier Suryadev Singh (Raj Kumar) allies with Marathi sher Police Inspector Shivajirao Waghle (Nana Patekar).
Lots of twists and turns later, they save India from certain nuclear disaster on 15 Aug 1993 (mind it!)

Boring! It is Nana and Raj Kumar that are the hearts of the film! Do not miss the song "Peele peele o more Raja"...
Mamta Kulkarni is there for a break in the bromance between the two.

Trivia: Nawazuddin Siddiqui refers to this movie in the movie Black Friday while discussing the planting of explosives.

And finally -  those of you poor people who think missile technology is, well, rocket science, that is for mere mortals!
Raj Kumar foils Gendaswami's missiles by removing their *fuse conductors*. That's right, you didn't know that
missiles had fuse conductors, did you? Well they do. It is a critical part, without which the missiles blow only smoke.
See for yourself:

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Other Kind Of Classics - 6 - Sheshnaag

"The Other Kind Of Classics" presents one of the all time classics! If you ever want to see just one of these movies, this is it!!
The name: Sheshnaag
Actors: Jeetendra, Rishi Kapoor, Rekha, Danny, Madhavi and Mandakini.

Story: Aghoori (Danny) wants the ichchadhari Naag-Nagin pair of Pritam (Jeetendra) and Banu (Madhavi) desperately.
Bcoz every lunar eclipse they reveal a trove of immense wealth and power - more powerful than the Gods!

Meanwhile, in a small village far, far away, we have Rekha whose father dies. She is left with a foul hubby (Anupam Kher) and
innocent brother (Rishi Kapoor). Bhola loves animals. He can charm any animal with his flute. He saves the nagin (Banu) and hence
is hated by Aghoori and his henchmen.
Meanwhile Rekha suffers a Draupadi fate. Anupam loses her in a wager, and she is surrounded by men wanting to sexually assault her.
So she jumps off a cliff. Banu takes her form and comes back to take care of Bhola. They move into a palatial mansion.
Pritam joins as a servant so he can be close to his wife and help look after Bhola.

Now Bhola falls in love with Kamini (Mandakini) and undergoes training to make a strong man of himself. This training is classic in itself!
But how will these guys stop Aghoori?

Fantastic dialogue of all time:
Aghoori on the origins/chemical composition of his power:
"Aghoori ki srushti Shaitan ne ki hai!
1000 Shaitanon ko mar kar, shamshan ghat mein jalakar, ek raakh tayyar kiya gaya.
Us raakh ko 1000 chipkaliyon ke khoon mein gholkar, ek putala tayyar kiya gaya.
Aur uss putle ko magarmach ke khaal se dhak diya gaya.
Aur uske haathon aur paaon ke jagah bichoon ke dankh laga diye gaye.
Aur uske baad Aghori paida hua!"

The entire movie is available on YouTube.

Finally, we leave you with proof that Alpenliebe stole their "Kaisi jeebh laplapayee" ad concept from Sheshnaag.
Enjoy this song - I am not responsible if your stomach pains with laughter!


The Other Kind Of Classics - 5 - Mr. Prime Minister

"The Other Kind of Classics" presents "Mr. Prime Minister"!

Dev Anand made many wonderful, memorable movies. But then he kept on making a ton of trash ones. Even Jewel Thief was not spared with a hideous sequel called "The return of Jewel Thief". Blow by blow, Dev saab painstakingly dismantled the temple he had created.

But I digress. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So it is with this "movie" called "Mr Prime Minister". Enjoy it!

The story - cough, cough! is as follows:
Kutch earthquake survivor Johnny Master (Dev saab) sells newspapers for a living in a small village in Gujarat. Residents of the village form a new political party and make Johnny their candidate. He wins, his opponents kidnap him. After being tortured, Johnny regains his memory to discover that he is Prem Batra, the third richest Indian in the UK! On the day of his arrival in Kutch, he had become a victim of the earthquake.  Johnny busts corrupt politicians and becomes India's prime minister.

The scene below shows Johnny watching 9/11 disaster happening from some unknown hotel window.

Points to be noted in just this one scene:

1. Ranchi waala aircrash bhi 9/11 ko hua tha.
2. As many extras as possible were crammed into the room.
3.  There is a naked guy among the shocked onlookers.

4. A plane crashing into a building must create a mushroom cloud, because it looks exactly like an atom bomb.

5. Dev Saab and Ex-NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani were buddies.
6. Rudy got a check for $1 million from Dev saab. He never quite recovered from this shock and became the raving lunatic Trump supporter that he is today.

7. The lady casually donated blood for *all* the ghayal log in the WTC towers. Manmohan Desai had nothing on her!

The Other Kind Of Classics - 4 - Zehreela

"The Other Kind of Classics" is back!

When is a remake not a remake?
When it has been remade in such a way that it takes a life of its own or  irreparably mangles the original!

We proudly present the latter - "Zehreela" starring the one and only Prabhuji urf Mithun da!
Mithun is one actor on whom an entire series of Classics can be written! Throughout his career he has acted in funtastic, crazy films. Classic satisfaction guaranteed in each and every one of them.

In Zehreela, which is an unimaginable remake of "Cape Fear", Mithun has done numerous action scenes, each worth its weight in gold. One of them is a "non-veg" action scene where chicken is literally the bone of contention. Watch, ye mere mortals, as Mithun da pulverizes the goons and turns them into kadhai chicken!

The Other Kind Of Classics - 3 - Andaz (Anil Juhi)

Teachers' Day Special!
The Other Kind Of Classics  presents - "Andaz"!
Teacher: Anil Kapoor
Student: Karishma Kapoor
Wife: Juhi Chawla

A 2nd level remake of a South Indian movie (Tamil remade into Telugu remade into Hindi), the plot is simple. A student (Karishma) falls in love with her teacher (Anil). The teacher rebuffs her and she vows to marry him. Scared, he marries an illiterate (Juhi).

Karishma is mortified by what she has put Anil through. So she tries to improve Juhi - education, manners, etc. wise. Matters get complicated when Karishma moves in with them after her father dies.

But the real reason why this is a classic because this is a combined skeleton in both Anil and Juhi's closets!
Both of them have not done anything cheap in their careers. Except here.
Since it is a David Dhawan film, cheapness is guaranteed. So also here there are 2 songs with double meaning.
"Khada hai khada hai .... Dar pe tere Aashiq khada hai"
"Mein maal gaadi tu dhakka laga". What poetry!

Presenting one of the daags on the chaands (Juhi and Anil).
Please see when alone.


The Other Kind Of Classics - 2 - Jiyaala

The Other Kind Of Classics proudly presents - "Jiyaala"!
This hidden classic has remained hidden for a reason. Actually 2 reasons. The hero and the heroine.

Hero: Siraj Khan. Such powerful expression - one. Used throughout the movie for all scenes.

Heroine: Poonam Jhawer: Such a wasted talent. Just look at her eyes! Kya nahin that uske paas? Naysayers say kuch nahin tha. But we ignore such ignoramuses.

Bonus: This song, blasted out by Kumar Sanu. If you can tolerate it, see from 4:07 to 4:18. Such expressions have never been seen on the silver screen. And God willing, will never be seen again.


The Other Kind of Classics - 1 - Meri Awaaz Suno

This is a series of post which lists films that are "the other kind of classics". These are basically films that are so bad that you like them! Sounds contradictory, but that's the way it is.

First example is the great Jeetendra doing a fantastic double role in "Meri Awaaz Suno".
One good cop, and the other an apparently bad one called Kanwarlal.

Admire the genius of Jeetendra as he tries to play the 2 characters as differently as possible...


Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Diary Notes from my child's school

"Please send 4 onions, 2 karelas and a brinjal with your child next Monday."

The note. The dreaded diary note from school.

You have just come home from office, and are chatting with your better half and the little one. Somewhere in the conversation, the kid casually says "Oh BTW, there is a note in my diary. Teacher has asked parents to read it."

The conversation stops. My better half and I look at each other, trying to keep a poker face. But internally there is churning. As Spider Man would say, "My spider sense is tingling!"

With trembling hands, we open the school diary. Pinned with a stapler pin is an innocuous looking small white piece of paper. On it are typed the latest instructions to parents - kind of like the mafia boss instructing his minions to do his bidding. Disobedience is not an option. Consequences will be severe.

This note has a sequence of instructions, akin to a complex puzzle.
"Next Thursday there will be a monthly competition."
(Me): Ok, no probs.

"Your child has to make a pen stand."
(Me): So far, so good.

"The materials have to be found at home."
(Me): Oh oh.

"The density of the materials sent must be between 0.69 to 2.7 grams per cubic centimeter."
(Me): Google!!!

"Sketch pens allowed but minimal usage recommended. Glitter can be used maximum of 5 dots per square cm. Natural colors preferred."
(Me): I should send turmeric and red chilli powder. Maybe dhaniya powder and garam masala. Ekdum natural.

And so on.

Sometimes you have to make charts (healthy food VS junk food).
Sometimes you are made to rummage around the streets like a crazy person (find stones that are rhombus shaped).

Sometimes you visit 20 costume rental shops (Armadillo costume kidhar milta hai bhai?)

You gather all the required materials, and send it with your sweetie.

At the end of the day you ask, "So what did you make with it?"
Sweetie: "Oh, Fantasia Luktuke from my class got a lot of material from her parents, so we used that only. I kept mine aside."
(Me): $#@*#$@$!

We finished our education without our parents having to even bother what went on in our class. Here I am getting a second, forced childhood. I am learning things I don't want to learn. Any of the parents can pass the school exam tomorrow, because we know their syllabus by heart.

What cannot be cured, must be endured.

The weekend approaches. Bliss will be mine!!

Sweetie: "Oh Daddy, another diary note!"
(Me): Spider  sense ....

Note: "Please grow fungus on bread, paper, grass and cow dung. Each must be watered and studied every 2 hours. All materials must be sent on Monday."
(Me): Sweetie, how much fungus can Fantasia Luktuke's parents grow?

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Movie Review: Kick

Summary: Go watch it!!

Saw Salman's "Kick" recently. This turned out to be yet another "paisa vasool" movie from Sallu Bhai! Keeps you entertained throughout, if you don't demand that logic is a necessary part of a film.

Story: Salman (Devi Lal Singh) is a daredevil who gets a "kick" in life by doing risky things.

Salman meets Jacqueline (Shaina) and they fall for each other. But he can't keep a steady job as it becomes too boring. So they break off.

Cut to a spate of robberies where the thief is always ahead of the police. Using a prototype mask discarded by Hritik in Krrish, and a "mark" discarded by Hritik in Dhoom 2, the thief robs truckloads of money. It turns out later that the thief is none other than - hold your breath - Salman (gasp)!

Randeep Hooda is after the thief - named "Devil". He also falls in love with Jacqueline.
But Jacqueline to Salman ni! Her heart still belongs to Sallu Bhai.

Randeep figures out that "Devil" is actually Devi+L of Devi Lal Singh, thus achieving a major breakthrough for all mankind.

In between there is a brief cameo by Nawazuddin Siddiqui as a demented greedy head of a Medical empire, with a corrupt Chacha as minister to boot. These become Sallu's enemies.

Many twists and turns later, the inevitable happens. Sallu wins - everything.

There are some good action and chase scenes in the movie.

Salman does what he does best - entertainment, entertainment, entertainment!
Jacqueline is passable, although her accent needs work.
Randeep is good and holds his own throughout.

Mithun da as Salman's father is, as usual, solid gold. (Koi shaq?)

Nawazuddin is good but has a smaller role than he deserved.
Archana Pooran Singh goes over the top in her portrayal of Sallu's mother. Saurabh Shukla is good as Jacqueline's dad.

Wasted was Byomkesh Bakshi (Rajit Kapur). So also was Sanjay Mishra. Both deserved more.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Book Review: The Salvation of a Saint

Is it possible to kill someone from hundreds of miles away?

This is the fundamental question that Detective Galileo (Yukawa, who is actually a professor of Physics) has to answer.

Intriguing? Definitely. 

This installment of the Detective Galileo series from Keigo Higashino may not match the masterpiece ("The Devotion of Suspect X"), but it is also very good nonetheless.

The plot is simple. 
Yoshitaka was on the verge of divorcing his wife. He is poisoned by coffee spiked with arsenic and dies. The most logical suspect is naturally his wife, Ayane. However, there is a glitch. Ayane was hundreds of miles away when he was murdered. 

Yoshitaka was not a saint. He had other women in his life at various times, and had treated them badly. That includes Yoshitaka's mistress. But none of those suspects is as strong on motive as Ayane. But her (lack of) opportunity to commit the act at the fatal hour is a major obstacle for the investigators.

To add to this, the lead detective (Kusanagi) unfortunately falls for the prime suspect . He just refuses to believe that she could have had anything to do with the crime. 

However, his assistant, a lady by the name of Kaoru Utsumi, thinks exactly the opposite. Her woman's intuition tell her to go after Ayane, even if the facts don't support her theory.So she does what her boss has done for years when stymied—she calls upon Professor Manabu Yukawa.

Yukawa and Kusanagi had damaged their relationship during the previous case ("Devotion ..."), and are not on speaking terms. But Utsumi's interference forces them to work together again. And being thorough professionals, they do that quite well.

Higashino follows his tried-and-tested method of hiding everything in plain sight. When the end is revealed, you might end up kicking yourself for not guessing the plot.

Thursday, September 05, 2013

Book Review: The devotion of Suspect X

This is not a "who"dunnit. It is a "how-was-it" dunnit. 
You know the crime, and the criminals. What you don't know is how the crime was covered up. 
The author hides everything in plain sight, and does a wonderful job of it.

The story begins innocuously, with the central characters (Tetsuya Ishigami and Yasuko Hanaoka) going about their normal routine.
Yasuko Hanaoka is a divorced, single mother who works at a restaurant that delivers packed meals. She has a daughter called Misato.
Ishigami is a very intelligent Mathematics teacher. He is a next-door neighbor of Yasuko and Misato.

One day Togashi (Yasuko's loser ex-husband) shows up at Yausko's apartment to extort money from her. He threatens to keep doing this and to intrude in their lives. The situation quickly goes out of hand, and Togashi is killed by mother and daughter.
Ishigami overhears the noises, and puts 2 and 2 together. He offers his help in taking care of everything - including getting rid of the body and also covering up the crime.

Inevitably the body turns up and is identified. Kusanagi (the detective investigating the murder case) starts looking at Yasuko as the obvious suspect. He tries to poke holes in her alibi but is unable to do so. 

Kusanagi frequently (unofficially) consults with Dr. Manabu Yukawa, a physicist and his college friend. Yukawa and Ishigami are also batch mates from the same college.

Yukawa initally does not suspect Ishigami and he only meets him to catch up with his old friend. But slowly Yukawa is convinced that Ishigami is not just an innocent witness. 
Then we are treated to a battle of wits, where Ishigami tries to protect Yasuko and Yukawa tries to unravel the layers of deceit and get at the truth.

In the end, Yukawa does decipher what happened. He is awestruck by Ishigami's devotion which even surpasses his considerable intelligence.

The prose isn't very elegant - probably because this is a translation from a Japanese novel. But it doesn't matter. The substance more than makes up for the lack of style.

My favorite quote from the book:
"Sometimes, all you had to do was exist in order to be someone's savior."

Monday, January 28, 2013

Movie Review: Race 2

Summary: Even if you keep your brain aside, your head will still hurt while watching it!! :-)

Arman Mallik (John Abraham) is a ruthless rich creep who only loves money and can do anything to get it. His partner-in-crime is Elena (Deepika), who also happens to be his step sister. He was a street fighter and still fights whenever required.

Ranveer Singh (Saif) is out to get revenge on John (for what is revealed later). He takes the help of Anil Kapoor to achieve this. The entire movie is about how the revenge is taken.

Omisha (Jacqueline Fernandez) is John's girl friend, and has her own agenda. Anil's secretary is Amisha Patel, who only motto in life seems to talk about carnal pleasures. There is also Aditya Panscholi as Godfather Anza. Anza wears dark glasses all the time, presumably because he too does not want to see where the story is heading ...

The plot is wafer-thin. There are the usual twists and turns galore. But while they were enjoyable in the Race, in Race 2 they seem to be put in there forcibly. Also the twists can be seen from a mile away, so the punch is lost.

Abbas Mastan have tried so hard to make this entertaining that they have lost sight of the fact that a story is also needed. So we are treated to an continuous parade of mansions, discotheques, yachts, casinos, etc. There is a lot of skin show - with all the 3 ladies in a "race" for the top slot.

There are many unintentional hilarious scenes in the film - playing cards in high stakes poker being changed digitally due to "micro sensors" fitted in them, Jacqueline's attempts at fencing, John's attempts at acting.
But the icing on the cake is a car being driven out of an aeroplane, and then landing safely because 4 parachutes pop up from the upper 4 corners of the car!! "Allah Duhai hai" is right!! A miracle!!

Saif is competent. Deepika delivers a good performance. But both of them fight a lost cause (the film).
John Abraham proves once more that you can get by in Bollywood without acting, so long as you maintain your good looks. Ditto for Jacqueline.
John wears a constipated wooden expression most of the time, even when fighting.

Anil Kapoor is wasted in delivering perhaps the most lame, vulgar and cheesy dialogues in his entire career. Amisha has a limited role, and you thank your lucky stars for that.

There are some good, some "classic" (the other kind) and vulgar dialogues.
"Dilchaspi kisi na kisi tarah nazar aa hi jaati hai"

Classic (the other kind)
  • Jacqueline:  "Men are many, but money is money"  (profound)
  • Deepika: Agar life ka one third hissa sokar ki guzarna hai ... toh akele hi kyun (even more profound)
  • Anil: Sabar ka phal meetha hota hai, aur usse bhi zyada meetha hota hai ... sabere ka phal
  • Jacqueline: Aaj tak kisne mujhe is tarah choone ki koshish nahi ki
    Saif: Bura laga toh bata deti
    Jacqueline: Meine yeh kab kaha ki bura laga?
Pretty much all of Anil Kapoor - Amisha Patel ones.

See it if you don't want a story, and are happy with glamour / attempted glamour.